My Mother was Insane… :)

I think about the past 10 years of my life and consider it a complete turn around.

My mother passing away…. Getting married….. Having three AWESOME HAPPY HOOLIGAN CHILDREN…  Buying, fixing up, having a house fire, and selling a handful of houses…. Living in a 5th wheel for a y ear……   Getting divorced (filing for it.. trying to get divorced)……..   Going back to College full time while working full time while doing the SINGLE MOM thing full time……   Living in a travel trailer for a few months…….   Taking a job 3000 miles away and then moving with said 3 happy hooligans across the country to a city where I know no one……..  AND NOW… the trip back —–

WOW.  I am SO HAPPY to be where we are today.  Life is hectic and planning this trip BACK EAST is a bit stressful considering the chaos behind it all but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  The kids are excited about living in a motor home… the kids are excited about seeing a couple new fun things along the way on the venture back east… and they are good.  Very GOOD…. compared to where they were only one year ago.  Educational experience overload. Yes.

What I hope to share with them someday is the foolishness that my mother instilled in me as a young woman.  My mother would embarrass me and poke fun at me in public all the time.  I realize now that it was her GOD GIVEN RIGHT as a MOTHER to do those things but at the time I completely (almost) hated her for doing those things to me.   She got a kick out of it and now I honestly can not wait to play fun games with my kids and be all sorts of insane in public in front of my own children just to embarrass them so they can remember me as the crazy lady just as I remember my mother as that same woman (unfortunately she passed away when I was 21 so she never got the opportunity to meet my children)… but oh man.. she would have LOVED to had known them and been a grandmother.

Basically I saw this other picture (below) and thought of my mother.. and a slight twinge of pain shot through me as I had felt sad because I will never know that feeling of being FOOLISH with my mother because I still had so many embarrassing moments with her (towards the end of her life I was just coming out of my shell of not wanting to be embarrassed and I too would act a fool in public with her around.. together we were insane.. they should have locked us up .. LOL)

Basically I know her personality was a bit off the path as most and I love that about what she was and who she helped me become….   I wish I could get on these little motorized carts now with her and just run amuck in public… terrorizing the “normal” people out and about… all the while LAUGHING at ourselves and our insanity….

I day remembering the good times brings back so many happy thoughts/memories.  🙂 Keep those who you love CLOSE to you and ALWAYS make sure you tell those who you love… that you LOVE THEM…  time is fleeting…  it really is…  and you never know when someone else’s or your time is going to run out.

Step 8 – Climbing, Catching, and Finishing Touches ….

Tea Party!!! (Simple things = the best bits of happiness … REALLY)

The kids decided they wanted a tea party… however we had already given away all our MUGS… so we had a solo cup tea party inside the Motorhome….
They had so much fun. It was beyond simple and something they’ll remember forever… they have asked me already if they can have another one… I promised them we would once we got on the road….

Then my oldest has always been a ‘catcher’ of critters… anything… he catches it and shows me… He’s caught so many lizards and crickets it’s not even funny… 🙂 Proud moments I suppose. 🙂

He’s also my CLIMBER… OH MY GOODNESS he’s my climber…. Since he was born and could crawl/walk/climb…. he’s been climbing….
He climbs walls… He puts things together just to climb them…. He climbs trees WAY TOO HIGH and people stop to ask if he needs help to get down… (he doesn’t… he just loves to climb) —- He even climbs vertical light poles (again drawing a crowd because it’s a bit out of the box for most people to see a boy his size scaling something without any struggle)….. he climbs on the playground (on top of it where you’re not supposed to climb)… Well he’s already climbed the motorhome and loves to climb the ladder… I have to constantly watch him because he will indeed get right up on top and say “Hi Mom”… (hasn’t happened yet but I don’t put it past him to TRY)….

Then I had a couple friends help out with a couple different “this doesn’t work” issues… and miracles are wonderful. This motorhome is put together so nice. It’s clean. It’s working well. It’s ready to go…
We are just lingering with a few more finishing touches….. last FEW things…. 🙂
EEEEEEKKKKKK 🙂 🙂

 

Why We Do Hugs. A LOT.

My children are growing up at warp speeds.

 

Their little chubby baby toes on chucky legs under a baby blanket are now morphed into a pair of young child’s running, climbing, kicking, twirling and dirty/happy feet.

 

Time is fleeting.  Anyone who has children will tell you.   “They grow up so fast, so enjoy this while you can”.  so oh my… we do.   We do. We DO.

We do HUGS.  And I mean a lot.  We do hugs when they’re upset, we do SCOOP UP and coddle while twirling away the tears from  a minor boo-boo.  We do hugs in the store when it’s too crowded.  We do hugs before school.  We do hugs as soon as we see each other after school.  We do hugs while playing outside. We do hugs when they’re in trouble. We do hugs before bed time.  We do hugs during family movie night.    We do hugs while cooking, while cleaning, while packing, while attempting homework.   We do hugs at the dinner table… multiple times during a meal.  We do hugs while we dance. We do hugs while we brush our teeth.  We do hugs while laying sprawled out on the floor building massive towers out of Legos.

My most favorite HUG of the day though has to be the FIRST one of the day.   When their little sleepy eyes come walking out wrapped up in their favorite fuzzy blanket…. Their eyes are searching for me.  When they find me, they smile a little hidden smile and some days rush over while others they meander on up onto my lap.    They KNOW that EVERY SINGLE MORNING they will be getting a “good morning hug” from me.  They know if they try to skip out on this particular hug that I will hunt them down and GET that HUG out of them one way or another (my oldest sometimes plays this game when he wakes up and isn’t too groggy still because he actually enjoys the chase/play part of this all).  I honestly LIVE for this hug.   The hug that I feel like I NEED in order to get myself through the day.  The hug to start all other hugs in motion.  The hug that says we are beginning a new day and I want to start fresh (just in case yesterday was a rough day).   This is by far my favorite hug of the day because it marks the start of the day.  I awake before the children (ALMOST) always……   I am usually awake before the sun comes up and happily downing my first cup of morning coffee.    I wait and preoccupy myself with reading a book (How many people ACTUALLY read REAL PAPER BOOKS anymore!?!!??) — Or checking emails, FB, Blogs, News, Research, or just lay and breathe and take in all the quiet (the “calm before the storm” I call it).  Either way… that’s my ‘down’ time and ‘me’ time.   And I welcome the “start” of the day with those precious faces every single morning.

I spent 2 mornings away from the 3 Happy Hooligans when I had offered to volunteer on an Island off the coast of Maine in 2013…..   I truly missed those morning HUGS more than words can ever describe.

Being a mother has changed me in ways that I never deemed possible and I enjoy every single challenging and exhausting moment of it.   You know what makes it all worth it in the end?

Those hugs.

 

 

Who is the last person you HUGGED ???   Go Hug Someone Today.  (Not a stranger on the street though please… I mean someone you know who you haven’t hugged in far too long)…..

****Have you ever seen this guy? Or someone who copied his idea? He held a sign up that said “FREE HUGS” and gave away hugs…. HOW MANY OF US would feel truly blessed with a free hug today?? ****

Go Hug someone today… Someone who needs it… Someone who thinks they don’t need it.. but hug them anyway.

 
Happy Day —-

Cheers ~

 

 

He is Six. He is creative. He does NOT sit still. And I (secretly) love that about him.

I sit here and type this…… sad and wishing I could “fix everything……………… my oldest is distraught….. over things that he has no control over… over things that I have tried to help fix and tried to explain to others how their actions cause him to hurt yet there is no break. No pause. No reprieve. —— He hurts. And it hurts me. Watching him hurt.
His pain is SHOOTING through my veins. My heart aches. My tears stream down my face as I try to hold it all together and focus enough to do my job. Be the Mom. Be the strong one. Continue on… as I do….

One day at a time and one foot in front of another.

I know I have a limited time here and only a few days left available to ‘take off’ for emergencies… well today was one. My boy needed me and I had to be the Mom before I was the “working mom” and I left work. I have been BLESSED with an awesome work team who support me and help me (and somewhat understand parts of the chaos of what I am facing)…. and am able to take off a couple days here or there when needed without penalty. (BLESSED to have such a simple luxury that means so much when you’re living on a budget and every ‘hour’ of work counts).

ANYWAY – I digress.

My boy. The oldest.
He hurts.
and I feel the pain as if it were my own.
I long to take him and hold him and answer all his questions…. to tell him that everything will be ok… to reassure him that I wont let anyone hurt him and to remind him how incredibly awesome and talented he is even though he can not sit still or follow directions on a regular basis. I want to hold his hand and remind MYSELF that he is only SIX years old and still a baby still yet still so grown up and wanting to please everyone.

I am at a loss as to what to do to help. I watch the cycle of his behavior and document everything. Keep track of appointments… keep track of interactions with certain people and life events. Keep track of ‘praise’ days and ‘bad’ days…. Keep his school work and watch it go from awesome to not even recognizable from day to day. I feel compassion for his teachers who try so hard to help him and remind him and give him chances yet he seems to not be able to ‘do it’ anyway….

I feel that he would benefit from being held back a year and being with ‘his class’ at the right age… His dad and I pushed him into kindergarten when he was JUST 5 (the day after kindergarten started he turned 5) and while some schools and some states would be OK with that due to birthday cut offs…. After watching his behavior in the past 2 years I wonder if we made the best choice for the oldest boy.

He excels in the content. He is OK in book smart but not in behavior and ‘socially acceptable’ smarts…. he does not know how to stop fidgeting with things nor keep his legs still. He does not know how to ‘listen’ to directions because he is focused on the paper clip by the corner of the desk which is CLEARLY OUT OF PLACE and needs to be cleaned up BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE can happen….

Shall I let the “team of officials” find a “label” for him and get him some “modifications” for school… have meetings to discuss his development? Shall I just let him “be a boy” and keep him back a year to see if he can grow into his behavior issues? Shall I pull him out of public school completely and take on the exciting yet daunting task of homeschooling / unschooling his awesome abilities that do not correlate with today’s educational standards in the US of A …. ?????

My heart strings tug back to what I feel I know and want but with the life circumstances placed in front of me I have to keep moving forward and see what comes of the next year. I can only hope that something PERFECT happens and all makes sense right when it is supposed to.

Answers would be good.
Time is wonderful as well.

But for now.
I hug him as he sleeps and kiss his brow. Knowing that he will only be 6 for a short period of time… 7 is right around the corner and sooner than later he will no longer be small enough for me to carry like a ‘baby’ anymore… 😦

What I Want… More than anything……

The only THING I want out of my life… is a better life for my kids.
Is it too cliché?
Well it is true.

I want to homeschool my kids
I want to unschool my kids
I want to TEACH MY CHILDREN to the best of my ability and hope that others can HELP ME do that along the way… because I may have a masters in Science (marine biology science) but I really can NOT help them “get” history or math further than algebra….. (calculus was a seriously tough class for me in college… perhaps it was the horrid teacher but still… I just couldn’t pass it to save my life)…
I want my children to LEARN ART. To learn MUSIC. OMG to learn HONESTY and DIGNITY. To learn how IMPORTANT it is to WORK and to be PROUD of your work and not just do it for a “SCORE” on a test.

I want to bring them up with the values that were taught to children 50 years ago.
I want to teach them how to garden. How to hunt. How to COOK GOOD FOOD.
How to recognize JUNK food and food that is worth NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE.

I get upset. Slightly. When I see people so unaware of these things that mean so much to me.
I know others “get it” like I do… but I have yet to fit into a community that embraces such “liberal” lifestyle as the one I envision.

I want my kids to grow up with books. With libraries. With EDCUATED adults. With ART. With MUSIC. (Have I made my point with art/music yet) —- Teach them with back yard fires late summer nights and field trips to museums to learn about more things that I can’t GIVE THEM sitting at home looking on the computer.

My now 6, 5, and (almost) 3 year olds are at a very clear age where they are being aware of what education is (the other two) and they actually APPERCIATE what I do with them at home and they ENJOY the “homeschooling” that we do at home. I make it into a game usually.. or it’s part of a reward system that I explain to them (do this worksheet and MAKE SURE YOU “get it” before you can go “veg out” in front of the TV for 30 minutes).

My kids are surrounded by school. I have people ASK ME wherever I go “do you homeschool them” because I stop everyone in their every day adventures to TEACH MY KIDS and if those other people don’t like it then so be it… go to another line (at the store) or fine another playground (where we are comparing trees loudly).

I make my kids count out pennies, dimes, quarters, etc. I make my kids figure out the time on the clock at the bank. I make my kids “spell the word PLANE” when they’re playing a game … then QUIZ THEM… “What’s the “other Plain” the kind of plain yogurt” and then they spell both versions…..

I make my kids sit still and work on a math worksheet of 100 math problems when I have to wait at the Verizon store to get a new phone. I make my kids do their flash cards (of their sight words) before they get out of the car every single day before school or before we go to the playground.

I soooooooooooooooooooooooo WISH nothing more than to just HOMESCHOOL THEM full time.

but this chaos in life has lead me to a place where the only thing I can do is take every single day and make the most of it and still teach them what I can while being stressed to my max and uncertain of the future.

This chaos in life has lead me to teach them about CULTURE and SOCIETY that I could never teach them back in a TINY TINY TINY town in upstate New York… They have learned first hand what it means to be “rich” and “poor” … what it means to be “Mexican” or “inheritance money” or “welfare” and I have (TRIED) to instill in them that we are still ALL THE SAME under it all.. under all the labels…

They have friends from different countries. They have friends from different states. They are making connections and seeing faces that are dissimilar to their own (which they would NOT have gotten in upstate NY in the cycle of chaos that we were living in for the past 8 years).

I hope for nothing but the best.
I hope for all good things.
I am still forgiving and willing to look past it all.
I am ready to help build a foundation for my kids that they will never 100% be able to understand but I know at this moment I have the drive and it stays the same in me throughout it all.

I just have to keep moving forward. One day at a time. One foot in front of another.
One small hurdle at a time.

success.
We will make it.
I know it.

🙂
Love you guys.
CAC (2014 is going to be great… let’s just keep thinking positive)

Love, Mom (Mama)