Time is fleeting….

Simplicity (I now believe) is something that is learned the older we get.

I am by no means an expert on simplicity.

But I feel it creeping in (and trying so desperately to take over) every single day… while I continue to live life and work, eat, sleep, feed kids, and get ‘life done’. I LOVE the simplicity.. and I need to practice

doing less….

having less…..

and being 100% OK with just here and now.

I get it most of the time but I long for easy (don’t we all).

I long for more time for my own education… for more time for experiences with the kids. Ways to teach them about what the world has to offer before they grow up and see, feel, and experience the harsh reality of the truth of everything… 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

I’m loving the weekend.

I wish I had more TIME with them every day (hate working full time and only having a few hours with them during the week… IDK HOW parent’s live this way.. working all the time and not seeing their kids…. I go insane. daily. missing them. and I SOAK UP the weekends.. soak up every drop).

When I look at pictures I realize how much they’ve grown and changed in the short 6 months we have been in a new place… new state…. new everything…. TIME IS FLEETING…

and I am enjoying the moment.

As I do all the time.

I just constantly long for more… more time.. more experiences… more LIFE available to live instead of “have to work” in order to survive… 😉

It is what it is.

Until I win the lottery I suppose we will be on this rocky trip of me working full time and them just playing the part of public school students who are homeschooled on the weekends/breaks/summer time… 🙂 🙂

Happy Kids = Happy Mama

Round II – Roadtrip

To drive across America

seems to be one something that most people put on their list of —- ‘fun things to do’

So when we took off from NY and headed toward AZ 10 months ago… I had no clue how much we would actually learn in such a short time. Break downs. Sleep deprivation. Beautiful sights. New foods. Discovering LESS truly is MORE……. *Sigh* As stressful as it was then…… It was AWESOME (MORE AWESOME than typing these words will ever justify or explain)

AND —————- The thought of taking on the task for round II is just…….

Wow.

What an opportunity to spend time with the three little happy hooligan personalities that mean the most to me in this world. I hope I can figure out the details in order to create an even more AWESOME trip than the one we had in July of 2013
😀

 

All I can say is… Here we go again 😉

He is Six. He is creative. He does NOT sit still. And I (secretly) love that about him.

I sit here and type this…… sad and wishing I could “fix everything……………… my oldest is distraught….. over things that he has no control over… over things that I have tried to help fix and tried to explain to others how their actions cause him to hurt yet there is no break. No pause. No reprieve. —— He hurts. And it hurts me. Watching him hurt.
His pain is SHOOTING through my veins. My heart aches. My tears stream down my face as I try to hold it all together and focus enough to do my job. Be the Mom. Be the strong one. Continue on… as I do….

One day at a time and one foot in front of another.

I know I have a limited time here and only a few days left available to ‘take off’ for emergencies… well today was one. My boy needed me and I had to be the Mom before I was the “working mom” and I left work. I have been BLESSED with an awesome work team who support me and help me (and somewhat understand parts of the chaos of what I am facing)…. and am able to take off a couple days here or there when needed without penalty. (BLESSED to have such a simple luxury that means so much when you’re living on a budget and every ‘hour’ of work counts).

ANYWAY – I digress.

My boy. The oldest.
He hurts.
and I feel the pain as if it were my own.
I long to take him and hold him and answer all his questions…. to tell him that everything will be ok… to reassure him that I wont let anyone hurt him and to remind him how incredibly awesome and talented he is even though he can not sit still or follow directions on a regular basis. I want to hold his hand and remind MYSELF that he is only SIX years old and still a baby still yet still so grown up and wanting to please everyone.

I am at a loss as to what to do to help. I watch the cycle of his behavior and document everything. Keep track of appointments… keep track of interactions with certain people and life events. Keep track of ‘praise’ days and ‘bad’ days…. Keep his school work and watch it go from awesome to not even recognizable from day to day. I feel compassion for his teachers who try so hard to help him and remind him and give him chances yet he seems to not be able to ‘do it’ anyway….

I feel that he would benefit from being held back a year and being with ‘his class’ at the right age… His dad and I pushed him into kindergarten when he was JUST 5 (the day after kindergarten started he turned 5) and while some schools and some states would be OK with that due to birthday cut offs…. After watching his behavior in the past 2 years I wonder if we made the best choice for the oldest boy.

He excels in the content. He is OK in book smart but not in behavior and ‘socially acceptable’ smarts…. he does not know how to stop fidgeting with things nor keep his legs still. He does not know how to ‘listen’ to directions because he is focused on the paper clip by the corner of the desk which is CLEARLY OUT OF PLACE and needs to be cleaned up BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE can happen….

Shall I let the “team of officials” find a “label” for him and get him some “modifications” for school… have meetings to discuss his development? Shall I just let him “be a boy” and keep him back a year to see if he can grow into his behavior issues? Shall I pull him out of public school completely and take on the exciting yet daunting task of homeschooling / unschooling his awesome abilities that do not correlate with today’s educational standards in the US of A …. ?????

My heart strings tug back to what I feel I know and want but with the life circumstances placed in front of me I have to keep moving forward and see what comes of the next year. I can only hope that something PERFECT happens and all makes sense right when it is supposed to.

Answers would be good.
Time is wonderful as well.

But for now.
I hug him as he sleeps and kiss his brow. Knowing that he will only be 6 for a short period of time… 7 is right around the corner and sooner than later he will no longer be small enough for me to carry like a ‘baby’ anymore… 😦

Some days bring more than memories….

If you told me 7 months ago that things would be this way…….
I would never believe things would be as they are…..

I am more at peace now than I could even imagine. I am blessed to have 3 healthy children who have a LOVE of learning and a desire to do the ‘right’ thing. I have so much free time with them (after ‘school’) but it still is never enough…. I miss them and I wish I could unschool them every single day.

I am reminded how short life can be whenever certain days come around.

The day that my mom was born. The day that my mom died.

The day that my dad was born. The day that my dad died.

These days I hold in a special place in my heart and they impact me in ways that only I understand. I just hope and pray for my own children that they do not have to grow up without a parent or become young adults without a parent to lean on or share experiences with….. I often wish my mother was here to ask advice or to cry to. I wish my father was here so my children could see what it was like to have a grandpa….. I’m thankful. I’m grateful. But there’s always something missing and it brings me back to just appreciating the little things that we have every day.

If you told me 7 months ago that I’d be happily living where I am… doing what I’m doing….. making the best of what I’ve got….. I would have no clue how right that would be…..

Life’s a roller coaster and I am ready to take on whatever twists and turns come next.

I just want the best for my children.

I just want them to be happy… healthy….. safe….. educated…… and respectful.

Be Calm

Try. to Imagine.

Everything.

Working out.

EXACTLY…..

as it should.

Just not exactly
WHEN
you
THINK it should.

😉

The calm after the storm.

Some Days Bring More than Memories….

I would never believe things would be as they are…..

I am more at peace now than I could even imagine. I am blessed to have 3 healthy children who have a LOVE of learning and a desire to do the ‘right’ thing. I have so much free time with them (after ‘school’) but it still is never enough…. I miss them and I wish I could unschool them every single day.

I am reminded how short life can be whenever certain days come around.

The day that my mom was born. The day that my mom died.

The day that my dad was born. The day that my dad died.

These days I hold in a special place in my heart and they impact me in ways that only I understand. I just hope and pray for my own children that they do not have to grow up without a parent or become young adults without a parent to lean on or share experiences with….. I often wish my mother was here to ask advice or to cry to. I wish my father was here so my children could see what it was like to have a grandpa….. I’m thankful. I’m grateful. But there’s always something missing and it brings me back to just appreciating the little things that we have every day.

If you told me 7 months ago that I’d be happily living where I am… doing what I’m doing….. making the best of what I’ve got….. I would have no clue how right that would be…..

Life’s a roller coaster and I am ready to take on whatever twists and turns come next.

I just want the best for my children.

I just want them to be happy… healthy….. safe….. educated…… and respectful.

I am raising Batman you know……

My oldest child says he is going to be Batman when he grows up.

He wants to be a professional bike rider. He wants to be a fireman. He wants to be Spiderman when Batman is sleeping. He says he is going to race four wheelers. He says he will shoot hoops with the big guys. He says he wants to go to the moon with other men in space suits. He says he wants to be a race car driver. He says he will build the biggest lego tower ever. He says he will invent an ‘egg peeler’ for it to be easier for people to peel hard boiled eggs.

My oldest is active. My oldest is not quiet. My oldest is creative. My oldest can take garbage and construct a masterpiece in an hour that others couldn’t make if they tried for days. My oldest likes to make mismatched things look beautiful. He likes to color OUTSIDE THE LINES because he LIKES the way THAT looks (not because he is sloppy, because he can color inside too but thinks it’s boring). My oldest is over smart for his grade level. My oldest can not sit still long enough to make teachers or other adults happy. My oldest will only focus on a task if he sees the importance or meaning behind it. My oldest can accomplish a work assignment if he understands what he has to do but he can not listen to directions if there is noise in the background or is in the least bit distracted on something else. My oldest is sensitive, caring, loving, and kind but does not understand the concept of personal space and what it means to ‘bother’ other people sometimes. He tickles people because he thinks it is funny and he is trying to make a connection with them but others get awkward because he tickles too hard or without asking first and continues to tickle even when prompted to stop because he can’t “hear” or “understand” their prompt to “STOP”. He gets sad and lonely when he gets in trouble because he does not truly mean to hurt others or bother others.

I wish there was a way I could reach him more so at school. At home and in public with me he does just fine because I can get his attention and redirect him onto something else (which helps)….

But I’m at a loss… and I wish there were answers out there… The education system TODAY requires that boys at age 5 & 6 can sit still for 7 hours a day and do worksheets, do group work, do tasks, and follow directions. My boy… at age 6 can do this only sometimes and does not fit the education system as “they” deem worthy of “smart”.

His creativity and on the go personality mixed with the inability to follow A. then B. then C. directions has caused an ongoing struggle for him since preschool.

I digress.

I love my son.

I want to help him thrive in the best environment he can.

After all.. some day he’s going to be Batman you know…… 😉

Cheers ~

A

Reading. Do not underestimate the power of Reading.

Tonight. Bedtime story events.

I wish I could somehow make unschooling work for us. I need some time. Some straight and narrow. Some winning lottery tickets. Some support. I need routine somewhat so I can at least present the idea and see how it flies….. Education now.. is just….. NOT educational for the learners who are being told what to learn, how to learn it, and when to learn it by….

I digress — The bedtime stories… Which could be an all day marathon event (me reading to them) but life happens and we do have to clean ourselves, do laundry, get exercise, and eat sometimes…..

Classic… Don’t let the pigeon drive the bus.

And…

Chewy Louie